The idea of support in regards to mental illness is a joke.
“Who are your supports dear?”
“There’s the woman I pay every week to listen to my crap.”
“What about your family?”
“They like it when I pretend I’m happy.”
“Do you have some friends?”
“There’s this girl. She lives in Connecticut and we are considering having cyber children. I spend most of my time alone on the Internet.”
I’m feeling quite awful and discouraged. I got all cute today and now my friend isn’t texting me back. I’m super anxious. I feel like nobody likes me. I’m working my honors application but my essay is shit so far. My dad won’t stop snoring and farting on the couch. Old men are gross.
I’m considering throwing out my weed and pipe.
My mom just told me my second cousin jumped off a building earlier this week and killed himself. Now she’s hysterically crying about me and I feel like the worst daughter ever.
February 21, 2013. 12 weeks ago. I feel weird, confused, regretful; I am the ghost.